If I had to sum up my week with one word it would have to be ‘ridiculous’. Where do I even begin?
I’ve played basketball, I’ve had tremors, I’ve been to the zoo, I’ve had a spasm so bad it has pulled my shoulder up out of place, I’ve been to work, I’ve been in agony, I’ve laughed, I’ve been unconscious, I’ve been to the United match at Old Trafford, I’ve struggled to remember moments that have happened in the previous hour, I’ve smiled, I’ve cried, I’ve been to the gym, I’ve barely slept; I could continue with the endless list of ups and downs, highs and lows, positives and negatives but you get the picture, more importantly to me those moments have been and gone.
My life has become unfamiliar to me, I know I have MS, I look in the mirror and see my crooked skeleton and can see what the MS is doing, I feel the pain of it destroying my muscles BUT in some respects I see the ‘me’ that has MS as separate person from the full of life, bursting with energy, carpe diem ‘me’. Lately the former seems to be overshadowing the latter – it’s a bit like having an invisible conjoined twin that knows how to piss you off and therefore goes to town working it’s nervous system shattering magic!
Because I am determined to die if something other than MS I am taking part in a 100km bike marathon on Sunday 20th September, so far after 2 days of training I can assure you all that ‘on a bike’ has now made it onto my short list of probable causes of my death……. we’ll see!
Even as I write this the carpe diem part of me is saying ‘Ah it’ll be fine, no worries’. We only live once and I’m taking this body of mine to hell n back before it packs in on me